tonight, friday the 5th of november 1999, at about 9pm my best friend, david adrian, passed away. he was with his wife, anne, at home. david's mother, father and two sisters and their families were there as well as anne's father and mother. lea and i got to spend several hours with him this evening. he died peacefully knowing that he was surrounded with people that loved him.
david was my best friend. since all of you know me you will understand when i say that means that he put up with me better than just about anyone :) he put up with going to the al jarreau concert and having to hold my hands to clap the correct rhythm. he put up with lea and i when we first got married and lea would call and say "come get robert before i kill him." he put up with our dogs digging themselves a hole in the garden while it was being watered and having to bathe them. and he put up with the hobbies i would try to foist upon him. he put up with bad movies and cheap chinese food.
of course it also means i had to put up with him as well. i put up with his really bad jokes and even laughed at them. it was even more fun laughing at the people he told them to that didn't know what was coming. i put up with the fact that he actually had a skull that was attractive when bald despite the fact i was incredibly jealous of it.
i have heard it said that dying and aging will bring out the essence of who you are. if that is true then david was an incredible person.
david was kind. he tried very hard throughout his illness to not put upon people. he didn't want anyone to have to do things for him. but when they did he was gracious.
and despite the fact that he told some really bad jokes, he was truly funny. when he was at home during his last couple of weeks his mother would spend time helping to take care of him. sometimes she had to be stern and at one point said "david, i'm going to have to be a mother again!" to let him know that _she_ was in charge. he looked up at her and very innocently said, "daddy didn't tell me you were pregnant." she paused a second because david would occasionally hallucinate and say random things. a second later his silly grin and the sparkle in his eyes told her he knew exactly what he had just said.
david was a good friend. he listened. he heard. if he offered advice it was well thought out and based on his knowledge of you and it was from his heart. and it was offered in love. david also believed very strongly in god and that jesus christ is his living savior. david never cursed god or pitied himself in any way but continued to praise him. even before his illness david inspired me with his faith and has made me want a closer relationship with god. throughout his illnes and despite his fears david continued to have faith in god's love and his power over death. david continues to inspire me in faith.
i have also heard it said that weddings and funerals will bring out the best and the worst in a family. if that is true then i know where the core of david's being came from because his family was simply spectacular. they have showered david with their love and their care and their attention. the faith and the peace and the strength that anne, her family, and david's family have all shown throughout this has been amazing. i have been honored to be allowed to be a part of their lives during this time.
one example i have is david's brother-in-law, jimmy. one day david was having a mild panic attack about leaving something in his car. jimmy spent twenty minutes looking for the secondary keys since anne had the primary set and was out at the time. after he found them he went to the car and when he came back he reported on the two bungi cords in the trunk, the windshield screen in the back seat, the owner's manual, air gauge, and hair brush in the glove box. nothing else. david was at peace. anyone could have given up looking for a key after five minutes or gone down to the car and done a cursory inspection and told david that it was okay. jimmy understood what was important to david and took the time to give him the peace that he needed.
for a long time i have intellectually acknowledged that david was dying. but that acknowledgement was only intellectual. on wednesday i was talking with a mutual friend on the phone and that conversation, nothing specific about the conversation just _having_ that conversation, brought home to my heart that david was dying and what that meant to me.
today when anne called me to tell me that the time was near i knew already because david was in my heart. when i left his house this evening i hoped i would see him again tomorrow morning but when the phone rang i knew what it was. i'm glad i had the opportunity to say goodbye.
david was my best friend and i loved him.
I have a photo of David in Washington State. The photo was taken during our vacation, the trip that involved Michelle, Gary, me, Laura, and David. This was a great vacation, spent with good friends. Anyways, back to the photo. I have a slight problem when taking pictures on windy days...my hair gets into the picture. We finally solved this problem by knotting my hair up in a ball, and having David hold it to my head while I took the picture. Laura captured this system on film, so there it is, me taking a photo, with David holding my hair. This view of David really captures his friendship, and sense of humor. I have been looking at his pictures now for a couple of weeks, really trying to remember and honor him.
As you and Lea know, my relationship with David was an amusing mix of turmoil, tension, and love and respect. He was usually the guy I'd call to see if something was "normal" from a guy's perspective. I'd bounce all my sordid relationship stuff off of him...and vice versa. I remember when he called last year and sheepishly told me about a girl in his apartment complex who he ran into at the mailbox. I also remember all the details of Dara, Laura, and a few others (there's a Pat in there somewhere) as well as the periods of time when he was just lonely. David was there for me during the Tim, Bob, Bruce, and Martin years...listening to me all goo goo eyed when things were great, and crying when things were over. But always willing to listen and be a great friend.
I was just laughing at your Al Jareau concert story, David had to put up with a Darden Smith concert for me. Darden Smith is an Austin artist, usually considered as chick music. I have conned many of my friends into going to see him...and David was quite a trooper. (He might even of had a good time)
One of my favorite Davidisms was his amazing abilitiy to lift one eyebrow independently of the other, then lift the other. He could oscillate those puppies back and forth for quite a long period of time, with a big grin on his face.
I will miss his constant friendship, his great sense of humor, and his serious, introspective side. I will miss him, and already do.
I think that one of my best memories of David is that he gave me a really hard time about straightening the piles of cards when playing solitare (with "real" cards). It was always so funny to me that this man who made his bed every day and was never seen without an undershirt and belt would make fun of someone for being "anal".
David was one of the few people who love Robert as much as I do and at the same time really loved to make fun of him with me (e.g. robert's desire to turn a carmangia into a tercell). Conversely, he and robert loved to make fun of me (e.g. i don't like this ice cream, take it back!). I always wondered if we were setting an appropriate example of marriage for David, but he seemed to have managed to rise above us....
I've also been reminising about the summer we all spent around Dallas. David discovered the alternative radio station and I discovered the Indigo Girls. And we went to the Jefferson Starship concert and it was really wet. David trying to cook the shark he caught....robert and sandy and david playing name that tune in hard rock cafe while amy and i made fun of you....
And who could forget one of the best things about David - his mom's chocolate cake!
The Bible Studies. I had almost forgotten the Bible studies. That's when I had David's version of David's Mom's chocolate cake. Robert said you had to have milk with it and he was right. I got Sandy's email and I remembered the concert I dragged David too. We went to Houston to see Edie Brickell and Bob Dylan. In fact I believe David is the one who made me appreciate Bob Dylan. Not to mention the Proclaimers.
I think about the times we all spent together now. I have no memory of David without him smiling. Those years at A&M were truly good times.
as a memorial to david the four of us are planning on driving up to david's grave site and having a picnic that will consist primarily of his mother's chocolate cake, shiner bock, and listening to david's favorite musical artist, t-bone burnett while remembering the good times that we had with david.
my personal memorial to david is doing what we did when we had a boy's night out - fudruckers and a movie. i will go to fudruckers which is right next to the theatre and have a hamburger and a shiner. and there will be another shiner sitting on the other side of the table where david would have been sitting.